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COVID-19 has changed the way people live, work, and socialize across the globe. It hasn’t been easy for anyone. As time passes, it’s become clear that our lives have all changed for the time being. Everyone has had to take this new “normal” one day at a time.
People still need to socially distance. As human beings, this is contrary to our nature. Online AA meetings and group therapy have become one way people can reach out to one another. However, it’s hard to imagine that this is genuinely a new lifestyle.
No one knows how long this crisis will last or when the unrest in some parts of the country will end. It’s a scary time, and that’s okay to talk about and feel. If you’re in recovery from addiction, you have probably experienced some not-so-normal lifestyle. It’s important to remember; this, too, shall pass.
Today, you can still take care of yourself even when things aren’t perfect. You’re a resilient human being, and you can get through this. Self-care is important. So is reaching out to others in recovery, and finding ways to be social and safe at the same time.
You can practice acceptance by praying, meditating, crying it out, or writing about it. Accepting the fact that we have no idea how long this crisis will last is essential. Accepting it doesn’t mean you’re happy about it. It simply means you know you can’t personally change it.
You’re not in control of this pandemic, but you can choose to stay sober through it. As a person in recovery, you can stay sober if you use the tools you have. A sponsor, a strong support network, and online support meetings will help you stay connected to the world. You’re not alone.
As mentioned earlier, self-care is an integral part of daily living in this new pandemic culture. Self-care will help you have something to enjoy and hold onto. It’s an excellent time to learn to nurture your spirit and really let yourself experience new things.
Here are some ideas:
Consider Sober Living
Are you interested in learning more about sober housing? Many people need the structure and safety of sober living once they’ve left treatment. We offer friendly, safe, and therapeutic housing to people new to recovery. Learn more about your options by calling us at 760-216-2077.
Everyone gets angry from time-to-time. There is nothing wrong with feeling and expressing anger. However, many people in recovery have trouble recognizing anger and expressing it appropriately.
Newcomers to recovery often describe their emotions as raw and intense. If this sounds like you, it gets better. This too shall pass. Much of the intensity of your emotions in early recovery has to do with getting sober. Your body is re-balancing chemicals after a time you were using substances constantly. You’re also not used to feelings. Addiction helped you drown a lot of your negative feelings out.
After a few months sober, you’ll start to see the world differently. The effects of the substances you were ingesting will basically be wearing off. You may find you’re no longer so angry or moody in general.
After you’ve gotten a little sober time under your belt, your emotions will start to stabilize. But some people have trouble managing their anger. Do you blow up easily? Are you constantly feeling frustrated? Have you hit or punched things or threatened people when you were angry?
If this sounds like you, then you probably need some help with anger management. Lots of people have trouble expressing their anger in a healthy way. Luckily, there are tools available to help you vent successfully:
If you’re having trouble expressing your anger, ask for tips from your support network, sponsor, or therapist. There are a lot of different ways people cope with their anger. Just make sure you do no harm with your new coping method. (Smashing up somebody’s car is not a way to manage your feelings, for example!)
Sober living is an opportunity to live in a small, peaceful community of others who share the same goals and values. Start your journey in recovery in a structured environment that helps you stay grounded. Call us for more information at 760-216-2077.
Recovering from addiction is a process that takes some time to adjust to. For many people, it means giving up friendships with people they used to drink or use drugs with and finding a new community that is supportive and caring. This community-building takes time, like many things in life. You may find that loneliness creeps up from time to time to rear its ugly head while you’re new to recovery. How can you cope with this feeling, and is it normal?
Especially today, when we’re all facing the COVID-19 pandemic, loneliness is a powerful yet common/normal emotion. Leaving behind your old life will be hard at first, but you’ll soon have more friends. As a person in recovery, however, you have more options than you used to. Addiction treatment will help you build new friends who also can function as a supportive community.
A supportive community is a significant part of being sober. Once you’ve connected with others in recovery, you’re not alone anymore. You also have the benefit of other people caring about you and offering experience, strength, and hope when you need help and advice.
In recovery, you’ll need to surround yourself with people who understand where you’re coming from. You may feel lonely, even when other people surround you. Again, this is normal, but coping with it can be difficult.
Coping with loneliness means putting yourself out there and connecting with others. In early recovery, this can be hard, but you can do it. Here are some ways to start to change lonely feelings:
Recovery is precious and a gift you must continue to work on keeping. Living with others in sobriety can help you keep the focus on your needs, living life sober, and working toward your individual goals. At Sober Living San Diego, you’ll find a community of others who can offer not only a home but lasting relationships in recovery. Call us at 760-216-2077 to learn more about what we offer.
In recovery, you will spend a lot of time thinking and talking about the past. After all, that’s what brought you into recovery in the first place. Poor choices and addictive behavior are things you can dissect and learn from, so you can change your life patterns. However, there always comes a time in recovery when you want to start looking forward to the future. Planning for your future can be an essential way to begin to change your life. Even when you’re forced to cope with uncertain times, such as COVID-19, there are ways for you to continue to change your life.
When you were a kid, you probably had a dozen answers to what you wanted to do when you grew up. Addiction probably wasn’t something you could foresee. While COVID-19 may have seemed to stall some recovery plans, sometimes when there’s a will, there’s a way.
If you’re new to recovery, your goals are often simple. You probably want to repair relationships, stay sober, and establish a new job or career. For many people, this means therapy (which is available on the phone or online.) A therapist can also help you create other goals for the future as time moves on, and you get more time in sobriety.
Choosing a new path can be tricky, so it may help to visualize it. What does the perfect future feel like? Close your eyes. Who are you spending time with? Where do you live? What are you doing for work?
If you’re not sure what goals you have for the distant future, talking to a sponsor or your peers can help you. Often you’ll find that somebody who has several years sober is living your dream life. So it also helps to pay attention at 12-step meetings. Ask around if you are looking for some inspiration for a specific goal you have in mind. Others will be happy to explain how they went about it.
One day at a time, you can start to work toward your goals. For example, if you realize that you have always wanted to be a chef, you now have time to figure out how to make that happen. While COVID-19 has affected our lives, it’s not impossible to search out new goals.
Research is the first thing you’ll want to do to learn more about the steps to make your goals happen. If you’re looking for a job, you’ll need to be able to use the internet to learn more about the requirements and credentials for a job. For a person who hopes to be a chef, this may mean getting a basic food handling certificate. (For example, the city of San Diego allows you to earn this certificate online for a small fee.) Or maybe you want to buy a new car. Searching for a safe, part-time job may require scouring help wanted ads. You can even learn to meditate or program computers online, usually for free or a small fee.
If you are looking for opportunities to change your life, they haven’t gone anywhere. You just have to be willing to accept the circumstances you’re living under today. COVID-19 won’t dictate our every move forever. Things will change, and so will you! So why not take the time to help yourself gain knowledge or skills as you work toward new goals.
Ask for help, advice, and guidance from your peers and people who have been in recovery for a while. You'll be surprised at the things you can accomplish!
Finding Fellowship in Sober Living
Are you looking for a way to branch out and be independent in recovery without taking too many chances? A community of others who are sober can help you continue to work on yourself and your goals, with a mixture of structure and independence. Get in touch with us to learn about which options are available to you right now by calling 760-216-2077.
Many people in recovery get bored easily. For many, this feeling a trigger than brings about bad ideas, such as using or participating in old behaviors. Why is boredom such a challenge for people who want to stay clean and sober? And how can you learn to cope with it and even keep yourself from being bored in the first place?
When you were using alcohol and drugs, you probably had just a few minutes to sit still every day. It wasn’t comfortable, and you probably tried to keep your time sober at a minimum. After all, when you were having those fleeting moments of sobriety, you were probably spending your time thinking or obsessing about the next time you could get high or drunk again.
People often dislike sitting still, especially those with substance use disorder who actively get drunk or high. Sitting always gives you time with your thoughts and places you right in the center of your reality. It gives you time to feel uncomfortable emotions.
For those in early sobriety, boredom gives you time to think about the past. It's normal you will feel a compulsion to use sometimes. There are triggers that almost everyone has, and boredom is a common one. It’s natural, but it can be very uncomfortable. Idle times may make this feeling worse, especially when your head is not in a good place. Thinking too much, especially about the past and using drugs or drinking, can lead you to a slippery slope.
In the era of COVID-19, it’s easy to get bored. But you don’t have to stay bored. Here are some tips and tricks to help you stay sane when you’re struggling with a feeling of boredom.
These are just a few ideas of ways to keep boredom from taking over. Keeping busy is essential in early recovery. You may end up tired at the end of the day – so remember, easy does it! You don’t have to overdo things. Just try not to give yourself too much time doing nothing.
Now, more than ever, it’s important to have people in your life who support your recovery. Sober living situations are a great way to rebuild your life and adjust to working on your new goals. Learn more about how a sober home can help you in your recovery. Call us at 760-216-2077 to learn about housing options.
If you’re like many people in recovery, you carry a lot of guilt with you. Much of the apologizing you’ll do in recovery will be after you’ve completed the first four steps. These steps are not things you should rush and you and your sponsor should decide when you’re ready to make amends to others. However, in your day-to-day life, you can begin to take responsibility and learn to apologize when you’re wrong. After all, you’re only human, and everyone makes mistakes. Now that you’re sober you can make these mistakes and learn from them. So what is the best way to apologize when you have done something wrong?
Many people with addiction issues have caused a lot of hurt when they were drinking or using drugs, whether they meant to or not. Addiction can wreak havoc on your relationships and your personal life. Now that you’re sober you may find yourself making mistakes that are similar to the patterns you had when you were using. It’s hard to change your behavior and it doesn’t happen overnight. And that’s okay! However, when you’ve done something that hurts another person’s feelings, today is a chance to apologize right away. Recovery is about being accountable for your actions.
Apologizing for something helps you take responsibility for your actions. It also signals to other people that you are willing to change and you care about their feelings. This is why you should apologize even if you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
Apologizing to somebody you’ve hurt isn’t about your feelings, it’s about theirs. Yes, you can feel good when you take responsibility for your own actions. But you can apologize even when it doesn’t feel good to do so, because it’s the right thing to do. For example, you may snap at your mother because you feel like she is treating you like a child. Snapping at her hurts her feelings- after all, she stuck with you no matter what and tried to help you.
You may still feel infantalized when your mother treats you in certain ways. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apologize for hurting her feelings.
So,how can you apologize when you’ve done something wrong? Here are some suggestions to help you make an apology.
People make mistakes both in and out of recovery. When you’re in recovery, it’s your job to own your mistakes and grow from them. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! Every human alive makes mistakes and has character defects. As you grow in your recovery program, you’ll learn to act less impulsively, and make fewer mistakes.
If you’re not sure what to do when you’ve hurt somebody’s feelings, speak to your sponsor. You’re never alone and there are many people who have gone through similar situations in recovery. They can point you in the right direction and help you make amends.
In sober housing, you can be among your peers and learn to live life on its own terms. You’ll also develop meaningful friendships, learn to take responsibility, and learn to have fun in sobriety. Give us a call to learn if our programs are right for you. Reach out at 760-216-2077.
12-Step books are an essential part of recovery, whether you’re in AA or another group. All 12-step books are based on the guidelines that made AA a success in the first place. There are 12 steps to help an alcoholic stay sober, and 12 traditions that help groups manage themselves honestly and spiritually.
For most newcomers, guidance on the steps is the most critical part of the literature. The personal stories in the book also show people how their experiences and emotions are not-so-unique. Addiction to anything can cause a spiral, and many people are left feeling hopeless and trapped by it. Yet in books based on the 12-steps, you can read the experiences of others. Their stories illustrate how they managed to find a way out of their misery and on the path to recovery and serenity.
The first 12-step literature published was written by Bill W., the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. The “Big Book” is often referred to as the “AA Bible”, although it is not a moralizing work. The book itself is meant to inspire and instruct how to get sober. It’s not meant to be an explanation of “fixing yourself” or achieving perfect recovery. Instead, it shows what other people did to get and stay sober, and how it helped them in their recovery journey.
In the foreword to the first edition of the Big Book, according to the AA Grapevine Newsletter, Bill W. stated that the main purpose of the book was to "show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered." Using that term, “recovered,” however, didn’t mean that people could drink again successfully once they’d been sober and completed the 12 steps. Instead, it meant that they had recovered an ability to live their own lives and share their own stories with newcomers. Once a person has reclaimed their life, they are duty-bound to continue working on themselves and also help others who are lost find their way.
While the first edition of the Big Book had the collective experience of around 100 people who got sober through the 12 Steps, it has grown over the years. The Big Book can give you inspiration and guidance throughout your 12-step journey. Whether you’re learning the steps or reading the stories, there is plenty of education about the disease of addiction between the covers.
The Basic Text of Narcotics Anonymous has a similar structure, focusing instead on addiction to any kind of drug or substance. Every group based on the 12-steps focuses on the same principles: If you’re addicted, and want to find your way out of a hopeless spiral, you must admit you are powerless and take the 12 steps to begin a new way of life.
Books are an important tool for people in recovery. They help remind you where you’ve been and show the way to get there. You may have a sponsor who assigns you passages to read during certain times in your life, or you may need the guidance of the book when you are working your steps. You can also explore 12-step literature on your own, especially when you are feeling down.
AA and NA also have pamphlets that talk about specific situations you may face, such as an upcoming surgery where you might take narcotics, or if you are young and feel like you may not belong. You can find these booklets at meetings or online.
Many people also like to find daily meditation books that are recovery-focused to start their day. If you meditate, consider starting your day with a reading and reflecting on its central point. Hazeldon is a great publisher to check out.
If you’re not into books, consider exploring or subscribing to a daily blog on 12-step topics. Reading somebody else’s struggles and experiences can help you get through your own.
There are also 12-step meetings that focus mainly on the literature – such as a step every week or a pamphlet every week. Consider adding one of these to your weekly schedule.
A lot of people find that a sober living household helps them stay focused on their recovery. Being around others in recovery and talking about your struggles, experience, and strength can help you forge bonds that last for life. If you’re looking for a landing place after treatment, consider joining a sober home. Contact us at 760-216-2077 to learn more.
Many of us are stuck indoors or minimizing our time outside because of the COVID-19 virus. Attending virtual 12-step meetings, checking in with a therapist, and working on your recovery goals can be a massive help to your attitude. Many people are suffering from anxiety, depressive symptoms, or frustration from the isolation. Instead of sinking into feelings of despondence, it’s time to use your tools to get through these days. Giving your endorphins a boost can help you remain calm and positive. These are the feel-good chemicals your body can create by itself.
Being stuck indoors, whether it’s for 12 hours or 24 hours a day, is no fun. Everyone is missing being out with friends and just living a “normal” life. But you, and everyone else, are, for the most part, powerless over what’s happening right now.
What you can control are your own actions. Choosing to take care of your body and mental health is essential. You can do this in several ways. Endorphins even help to bolster your immune system.
Try these ideas:
For many people in recovery, sober living is an important starting step to entering the world after completing a treatment program. Living among peers with similar goals helps you stay focused and you’ll also be part of an intimate, recovery-centered community. Learn more about your options by calling us at 760-216-2077.
Job loss is a big deal, even for those not in recovery. Life happens, however, and sometimes the loss of a job is out of your control. Whether it’s the economy or simply not being the right fit, losing your job can hurt your self-esteem. It’s one of the most stressful things a person can go through, but you must believe you can make it through to the other side and grow from the experience.
If you lost a job during your addiction, it might be hard to separate the feelings you have about your current situation from emotions about your past. Today, however, is a new day. You’re not the same person in sobriety that you were when you were using. As a sober person, you have a lot of great tools to help you cope with your current situation. Now is the time to use those tools.
It’s normal to feel sad or grieve job loss. After all, you probably made a few friends at your workplace. Maybe you really liked the work and the people you worked with there. A good job can also add self-confidence and a sense of worth to your life. When you lose a job, these feelings may suffer.
Acknowledge these feelings, and remember that this too shall pass. You may grieve for the job and the things it represented. Or maybe you are upset about the loss of financial security and the ability to provide for yourself or your family. Being sad is okay – but don’t wallow. Take some time to journal, beat up a pillow, or go for a run every day. These small acts of self-care can help you cope with your feelings.
Job loss can put a person through a lot of emotions. You may even have a desire to drink or use drugs. The great thing about being in recovery is that you don’t have to act on these feelings. Instead, allow yourself to have feelings. Share them with your sponsor and your support network. And don’t stop sharing them whenever you feel down – you’re not alone, and you’re certainly not the first person in recovery to lose a job.
You probably will want to try to find a new job immediately. Providing for yourself or your family is a real-world need. Make sure you get your resume together as well as a list of references. (Ask for help if you need it!)
Before you do anything else, find out about what unemployment benefits are available to you so that you can have some income right away. As a person in recovery, you’re going to need to look for solutions, even if it is humbling. Your state probably offers unemployment benefits, and depending on your needs, you may want to apply for EBT/food stamps as well. Taking care of these needs is essential so that you can focus on job seeking and your recovery.
Your state unemployment office will probably have a job database that you can look through every few days. Commit to apply for a certain number of jobs every week. Ask people in recovery for any work leads as well. There’s nothing shameful about needing a new job and getting help with your search.
Losing a job can be humbling, but it’s a part of life for most people. Doing the work and taking care of yourself can help you with the search for a new job. Just remember – without your sobriety, you can’t improve your life.
You CAN get through this by leaning on others and putting in the footwork. Don’t pick up a drink or drug, no matter what! If you want to use or drink, get yourself to a meeting and raise your hand. You deserve to stay sober and find a great new workplace.
A sober living home is a great jumping-off point for many people coming home from treatment. In a safe, friendly environment, you can learn to live life on its own terms, without the use of alcohol or drugs. Get help finding a place to live! You can call us at 760-216-2077. We can answer any questions you have.
In recovery, you’re learning to communicate better and have healthier relationships. Men sometimes have a problem learning new communicating skills. After all, the media portrays male protagonists (the good guys) as sarcastic, brash, and even violent. While this behavior may seem “normal”, in real life, it causes more problems than it could ever solve. Aggressive communication shuts other people down, and can even make them frightened of dealing with you in the future. Assertive communication, however, is healthy communication. So what is the difference between the two? How can you communicate healthily?
Aggressive behavior isn’t healthy and can sometimes even be a prelude to violence. It’s a “skill” that you no longer need in recovery. In recovery, you will learn to listen to others without judging. You also will learn to accept responsibility for your own actions. Here are some examples of aggressive behavior:
Aggressive behavior is often a defense mechanism that is meant to shut the other person down. You may use this behavior when you’re afraid of being hurt or feeling ashamed.
Either way, aggressive behaviors hurt and scares other people, and in recovery, it’s a skill you need to un-learn. If you don’t know how to respond to a conversation that you’re having or an argument, walk away. Walking away and returning to the conversation when you’re calm and collected can make a huge difference.
Assertive people state their opinions and are also respectful to others. Rather than shout, they ask questions. They state their views and don’t talk over people or interrupt their reactions. Here are a few examples of assertive behavior:
You can learn to become more assertive by paying attention to others who have been sober longer. Your sponsor can probably help you. Therapy is also a good way to practice your body language and learn more about active listening.
Communication is a skill that humans work on throughout their lives. It’s okay to make mistakes – like everyone, you’re a work in progress. Just continue working on your flaws and don’t feel weird about asking for help.
In a sober living home, you’ll learn to juggle your responsibilities, and your recovery. You’ll also learn how to nurture your relationships and have fun as a newly sober person. We want to help you grow into the person you’re meant to be! Give us a call at 760-216-2077 to learn more about your options.
