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Many people in recovery don’t share their stories often. In early recovery, you're encouraged more to listen than speak. For one thing, memory is foggy, and it can take a while to sort through the emotions. You may still have toxic thinking and behavior. However, once you’ve been clean and sober for several months, you have a story that’s worth sharing.
You don’t have to go to every 12-step meeting and share your story. That would get quite boring and look insincere. However, telling parts of your story when they relate to your topic is appropriate. After you’ve been sober a length of time, you may also be asked by a meeting chairperson to share your experience, strength, and hope.
A lot of people have a “pink cloud” experience after they have been sober a while. When a person talks about this feeling, they’re referring to a sort of elation people get once they're sober for a month or so. This state isn’t a negative thing, but it can be dangerous to your recovery. Pink clouds don't last. We all have struggles.
Share about the good things that are in your life, but acknowledge the struggle. Nothing is perfect, and life has ups and downs. Acknowledge them. Even if life is rosy today, the bottom you hit wasn't pretty. You are probably still cleaning up messes from when you were using drugs and alcohol, too.
Be honest if you still struggle from things. You’ll get feedback from others when you talk about your own flaws. Being honest will help you make some new friends in recovery who want what you have - or people have experience to share with you.
Sharing what you used or how much you used may seem to be an important part of your recovery story. It can be powerful for people to hear that even as a “hardcore” drug addict, you found sobriety.
But don’t attempt to glorify your past drug and alcohol use or minimize it. Telling “war stories” is completely contrary to the point of a 12-step meeting. Share about your feelings and struggles, and how you go through them. But please don’t make it a monologue detailing all of your years of drug use.
People in 12-step meetings usually know what drug use is about. While talking about it may help them relate, don’t forget your focus is on the recovery part of your story. Share about your recovery and how your life is still changing for the better. Let them know what steps you've taken to make the change, too.
Living with other people in recovery can make a huge difference when you need support. Sober living homes are a great way to transition from treatment or participate in aftercare. There is structure, but there’s also camaraderie and fun. Learn more about becoming a part of our sober home community by calling at 760-216-2077.
Today, work or how you make a living is one of the things American culture values. Men especially are told that they are their work, while women try to balance their ambition with their family goals. Any work problems and goals may cause self-esteem issues for people who are ambitious. Addiction to work is common among people in recovery as well as others who are not.
In recovery, there is sometimes a complicated relationship with work. If you’re still in a career you love, you may feel you have to make up for time lost to addiction. Other people in recovery choose to start new jobs or careers. Either way, there is often a feeling of “not being good enough” when a person in recovery returns to the workplace. This is one gateway to addiction to work.
Overworking or working more than forty hours a week on a regular basis can cause you problems in your recovery. You need to remember to focus on yourself and working your program.
As a person in recovery, a work/life balance is important. Without your sobriety, you won’t be able to keep a job or excel in your career for long, anyway. In early recovery, you will still be working on personal issues and relationships. Working too much or all the time can harm your progress immensely and keep your focus away from your recovery, which can lead to relapse.
Working an assigned set of hours and keeping to those hours only can be the solution to balance in some industries such as hospitality. However, some people who work in office settings allow themselves to be tethered to their jobs through devices, checking email on their days off or working every day of the week.
Working more than 40 hours a week is the standard because more hours are simply unhealthy for your body. Your mind and spirit also need a break to spend time nurturing your relationships, going to 12-step meetings, and getting the proper amount of sleep.
Working too much can be an addiction. If you’re using work to distract yourself from your friends, family, and home life, that’s a problem. Avoiding something doesn’t make it go away, and overworking yourself can cause you a lot of stress. You may work so much you forget to eat, sleep or hydrate properly. You may find yourself canceling important events like watching your kid at a play or going to a family get together. Putting your work before your recovery can cause you problems.
All of the same behaviors – such as lying, manipulating, and avoiding life on life’s terms can start to emerge when you’re using work as an escape from life. You may make excuses to work when you don't need to. You may sacrifice relationships or responsibilities to spend more time working.
Working like this isolates you. You may forget some of your recovery basics or feel triggered to use your drug of choice because work stresses you out.
Addiction to work can be serious, but it is treatable just like any addiction. First, admit you're powerless. Ask for help from somebody you trust in recovery.
Staying focused on recovery can help you keep a healthy work-life balance. If you’re already “in too deep” you may need help moderating the amount of time you work and sticking to a structured schedule. Addiction to work can be stopped in its tracks if you commit to putting your recovery first in your life again.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to others if you find yourself working as an escape. It’s not uncommon for people in recovery to pick up a new addiction.
Just recognize it for what it is, and reach out to your sponsor and others who can help you reclaim a balance on your work versus home life. You’re powerless over your addiction, but you’re responsible for your recovery. It’s okay to ask for help reclaiming your free time if your work life is getting out of hand.
Many people in early recovery want a healthy transition when they’re going back to the “real world”. Sober living homes offer a place of safety and support. Sober Living San Diego offers structure, security and sobriety tools for residents making their way through their recovery journey. Learn more about what we offer at 760-216-2077.
Many people in recovery make a lot of changes in what seems a short time. Sometimes, you may feel more emotional or stressed. This can affect the people around you who love you. As time goes on, you learn new coping skills. While this all happens, your family and other loved ones may
Helping people who love you adapt to your recovery isn’t a requirement, but they do need their own recovery plan as you begin to grow and change. Your family may walk on eggshells around you because they’re not sure what to expect. Or they may make assumptions about your behavior because they’re not used to trusting you. After a while, this can cause conflict or create anger or resentment.
One of the first ways to help loved ones learn more about addiction and recovery is by having them participate in your therapy. Most treatment centers offer family therapy. Sometimes it’s more helpful for certain family members, such as your parents, to seek therapy for themselves. Addiction takes whole families prisoners.
If you have kids, therapy one-on-one can help them work through difficult emotions. Ask your own recovery teams for referrals if there are children involved.
You’ve been through a lot, but your family has too. If you’re not sure of a good place to go for therapy, ask your treatment center or call your local mental health department.
Al-Anon and other 12-step centered groups can help families cope with the effects of your addiction. For many family members, there are a lot of wounds from your drug and alcohol use. You can’t fix them, but you can help them find a group.
If family members are hesitant to go in-person to a group, there are many addiction-related message boards online that they can check out, too.
Many loved ones feel stressed as they watch your recovery from a safe distance. They may be worried about getting their hopes up. Or they simply may worry about you.
It’s hard for family members to let go. But many of them may feel empowered by books on addiction and recovery.
Self-care is also something that can help family members learn to let of stress and take care of themselves. Go with them for a long walk or a lazy day at the beach. Suggest ways to have fun together.
You may want to take it slow when you’re exiting treatment. After all, your focus on recovery is paramount. Learning to work your recovery program is important. Sober living is a good option for people who need to have a transition period before returning home to their family situation or their own living quarters. You’ll have a safe, comfortable space that you share with people who also are focused on recovery.
Learn more about your sober living options by calling us at 760-216-2077.
When you were using substances, how often did you do something that was dangerous? Did you get a little thrill out of breaking the laws, such as speeding or committing petty theft? Danger can give you a little rush, but it's usually behavior that will also stunt your growth. For many people who get clean and sober, leaving these aspects of their old life is almost as difficult as quitting using drugs and alcohol. This activity, called thrill-seeking, often signals that a person may be addicted to dangers as well as substances. Does this sound like you?
Are there certain behaviors you’re not ready to give up, even now that you’re sober? Living a life in recovery means that you’re going to have to give up negative behavior as well as alcohol or drug use.
Many people in recovery get clean and sober but keep “dirty” behaviors. They may flout the laws and drive aggressively. Or they may cheat on their taxes or even pocket your change if you ask them to get you a sandwich. Anything that gives you a little "rush" and could put you or somebody else in harm's way can be considered dangerous -- even surfing in dangerous conditions.
Thrill-seeking, dangerous behavior can be addictive for the same reasons that drugs and alcohol can. When you’re doing something dangerous, the reward center of your brain will go off as your body initiates fight-or-flight mode. This mode activates adrenaline, pumping your body with hormones and giving you a feeling of electricity, even if it’s just for a few moments.
Thrill-seeking behavior is considered a trigger for relapse. For one thing, “getting over” on somebody or committing minor crimes is still illegal. Eventually, you’ll get caught or do something that causes you to feel guilt or shame.
Here are some examples of thrill-seeking behaviors:
It may seem difficult to give up your thrill-seeking ways, but it’s an important part of recovery. You don’t do drugs anymore, and you know right from wrong. A little thrill here and there can add up to a lot of bad feelings or even harm your relationships in recovery.
Just like giving up drugs or alcohol, you will need to work your recovery program to help you establish new patterns.
If you’re not sure how to go about changing your behavior, speak to somebody in your recovery network, your sponsor or your therapist. The first step to recovery is admitting you can’t do it by yourself.
You’ll feel better in the long run if you are able to quit doing things that harm yourself or others.
In sober living, you’re accountable to others in the same household, who hold the same value that you’re trying to live. Live in a safe, positive environment while you get your feet on the ground in recovery. Contact us at 760-216-2077 to learn more about how we can help.
Stress is a fact of life for so many people nowadays. It’s not limited to those in recovery. However, this time of year is especially stressful for people new to recovery and old-timers alike. How can you use stress in a way that helps you?
Stress happens, but avoiding it may seem impossible when you’re in its grip. For many people, feeling stressed and anxious can be a trigger for drinking or drugging. Stress is no reason to get high, but may not know what to do with an urgent-seeming emotion, or maybe you feel anxiety take over and have trouble taking action. Luckily there are ways to reduce the impact of stress in your life.
While you can’t eliminate stress from your life in recovery, there are ways that you can minimize it. For example, if you know that you have to do something that makes you feel stressed out, you can make plans for the aftermath.
For example, maybe you have a large family gathering that you’re planning to attend, and you’re not sure how you’ll cope with any questions. Talking to your sponsor and preparing your answers to challenging conversations can help you feel prepared. If your Aunt Sally wants to ask you about your recovery in front of people you’re not comfortable with, you can go ahead and tell her you’d love to catch up with her later. Or maybe you’re worried somebody will bring you a drink. If so, prepare to have a way of saying “no” that you’re comfortable.
Identifying your triggers and learning ways to react that are healthy is part of recovery. Nobody is perfect, and that’s true about others in your life, too. Learn to respond with empathy and kindness when possible, but don’t go out of your way to make others happy if something makes you feel uncomfortable.
Self-care is a way that you can handle the stress that life throws at you. There’s no way to eliminate most types of stress that people experience, so coping skills are needed to help you get through your tough times. Many people in recovery use self-care to feel a little better.
Meditation, exercise, relaxation exercises, and even doing something as simple as reading or watching a television program all count as self-care. Take some time for yourself and do something that makes you feel better or re-rejuvenated. There are many types of self-care available, so choose what works for you and leave the rest.
Going to a 12-step meeting or calling your sponsor are essential types of self-care in recovery.
Many people new to recovery benefit from living in a sober housing situation. In sober living, there are rules as well as recovery adventures. You’re surrounded by people who are sober, working their 12-step programs, and rebuilding their lives in recovery. To learn more about what our programs offer, call us at 760-216-2077.
The media in the world we live in perpetuates a lot of stereotypes. For as far back as many of us can remember, men have been portrayed as stoic and “tough”. As boys, you probably played a lot of pretend “alpha male” games such as cowboy, fireman, and other roles. While these roles are great in the movies, the role of man in society today is changing. Men can, and do, have emotions all of the time. Sometimes men suffer from mental health issues, too.
Talking about these types of issues can feel difficult at first, but now, more than ever, men (especially men in recovery!) are discovering that opening up about their mental health is important.
Even Prince Harry, in fact, recently opened up to talkl about his personal struggles after his mother’s death. He experienced long periods of both anxiety and rage. As a member of Englands’ royal family, he was provided with all the resources he needed to recover and learn to manage his emotions effectively.
A lot of your experiences with expressing emotions may have been limited by the family you grew up with. Some families discourage showing emotions or talking about feelings. If this is your family, think about how it has worked out for you.Talking to people about feelings can be scary, but in recovery, emotions happen whether you want them to or not. Learning to cope with feelings is a huge part of learning to live without the use of alcohol or drugs.
Many people in recovery also struggle with anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders. Talk therapy and other modes of self-care can help you learn to master your emotions and mental health symptoms.
Some people find that meditation helps them relax if they do it a few times a week. Exercise can also help boost endorphins, creating feel-good chemicals that combat depressive feelings.
The number one thing you can do if you’re struggling with emotions or mental health issues is ASK FOR HELP. No one can help you get better if you don’t tell them something is wrong. If you suspect you have a mental health disorder, ask friends or family to help you seek out a therapy provider or psychiatrist to help you with your symptoms.
You are worth it! If you are feeling lonely, down, depressed, or anxious, reach out to your support network. You’ll probably find somebody else has felt the same way you do and has suggestions.
Many people find that sober living situations help smooth the transition from treatment to their daily world. Many people just like you have sought comfort, hope and inspiration in our sober living environment as they rebuild their lives. Learn more about how you can live in our structured, support homes post-detox or rehab. Call us at 760-216-2077.
Choosing a sponsor is one of the most important things to do when you start on your recovery journey. While you’re in treatment, you’ll begin to connect with others in recovery. Selecting your sponsor can be challenging when you’re in a treatment environment. After all, you are usually limited by the AA and NA meetings you choose to attend.
The good news is that it’s not a big deal if you change sponsors. If you’ve outgrown your sponsor or have trouble getting ahold of them, it’s time to consider a new person.
Whether you’re choosing a sponsor for the first time or selecting a new one, here is some guidance for choosing a sponsor.
Choosing a sponsor can be scary at first. Opening up to others in recovery helps you change your life and begin healing. In recovery rooms, you’re often told to “take what you need and leave the rest.” If you don’t feel supported by your sponsor, or you think that you need to switch, don’t worry. People in recovery change sponsors for many reasons. Your recovery is about you and your own needs.
Sober living homes can be an important step in transitioning back to the “real world” after treatment. Living in a recovery home helps you focus on yourself and your recovery in a supportive environment.
Learn more about your options by calling us at 760-216-2077.
There are a lot of temptations in recovery. It’s recommended that people with substance use disorders avoid old people, places and things. These are simple ways to avoid a relapse. Old people may tempt you to use, hanging out with people who use alcohol and drugs, and old habits can trap you in a cycle of addictive behavior that leads to relapse. One of the biggest triggers, however, is one that’s rarely spoken of; boredom.
When you first started using your drug of choice, you probably were doing it recreationally. If you bored, sad, angry or happy, as time went on, you used to “enjoy yourself” and “relax”. Addiction will give you any and all excuses to get high. Boredom was probably a big trigger. Whether you used to get away from yourself, relax, or stop thinking about your problems, boredom was probably a part of all of those feelings.
Boredom can lead to complacency, depression, and loneliness. If you’re bored, you’re not working on your recovery or you don’t want to. Your thoughts may start to drift toward the “good old times” – times when you felt like your drug use was fun and under control. It’s easy to see how this can lead to a relapse.
Remember: you have a substance use disorder. It is a lifelong and chronic disease. Your brain wants to trick you into using, and it will tell you whatever lies you want to hear.
If you’re bored in recovery, that usually means something is missing. Here are a few things to think about:
Boredom is something that everyone experiences, but people in recovery are particularly suspeptible to its effects. Keep your focus on your goals and the good things in life; this too shall pass. Working on your recovery program and making time for your favorite things will help keep you grounded.
At By The Sea Recovery, we offer the highest sober living standards. With healthy structure, sober living culture and above all safety, we provide a space for everyone to heal and continue their recovery journey. Get in touch with us at 760-216-2077.
Do people do better with their recovery when there’s good weather? Many people with substance disorders ask this question. The truth is that the relationship between weather and addiction is tertiary; weather can affect everyone’s mood. Upsetting emotions, in recovery and addiction, are often a trigger to use. So the answer is that yes, weather can affect both addiction and recovery.
When you were using, you may not have even checked the weather for the day. You were probably going to use your drug of choice no matter what. But a rainy day or brittle cold may have made you feel like using was your only choice.
Miserable weather can work like a magnifying glass on negative feelings like depression or anxiety. As a person with a substance disorder, you may associate bad weather with your using days. Anything that brings up negative emotions can be a trigger to use.
Triggers are something everyone in recovery experiences, and you don’t have to use just because you feel bad.
Many people choose to seek recovery in California because of the climate. Beautiful beach and weather, with calm and sunny days can be an inspiration. Many people in recovery in California find that they are able to connect to their higher power on another level when the weather’s good.
When the weather isn’t so nice outside, it’s time to distract yourself and find new ways to enjoy the day. You’ve probably heard the term “save it for a rainy day.” Getting new hobbies, finding friends to spend time with in recovery, and focusing on the positive can help you get through the ugly weather days.
You may be tempted to use rainy or snowy days to isolate yourself. This can be a trap that leads to poor decisions. If you find yourself feeling gloomy or lonely, go to a meeting or call a friend in recovery. Don’t “tough it out” alone. You’re never alone when you’re in recovery. There are people ready to help you whenever you need help.
Sober housing is a caring, safe space where you can get back on your feet and transition back to everyday living when you’re in recovery. Many people come to sober homes to live in a supportive environment where everyone has the same goals – to get clean and reclaim their lives. If you think sober housing might be right for you, please call us to talk about your options. You can reach us at 760-216-2077.
Exercise is a powerful tool that anyone can use to help improve their lives. It can help improve your mood and regulate your blood pressure.
When you were using drugs, you may have gotten some exercise. Getting, finding and using drugs and alcohol sometimes means spending some time on your feet.
Once you’ve been clean and sober for a while, you’ll notice some subtle changes in your life. You may feel more confident or upbeat. Or, you may feel more depressive or anxious without the drugs you used to use when you wanted to self-medicate.
Studies show that exercise is a powerful tool for people that suffer from depressive symptoms. For some people who are moderately depressed, exercise is enough to help alleviate their symptoms.
Many people with depression either have trouble sleeping or sleep too much. Exercise can help you sleep more soundly at night and even help you with a boost of energy. People who suffer from severe depression usually require medication and talk therapy. Exercise can be a form of self-care when you’re feeling up to it. Joining a walking group, going surfing, going for a hike or bike ride are all ways to make exercise a part of your regular life.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America says that nearly 40% of Americans have anxiety disorders. Many people in recovery have experienced trauma or have been diagnosed with mental health disorders such as Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Exercise can help with anxiety in a few ways. Exercise releases endorphins, the feel-good hormone that the body makes naturally. Walking is a way to practice mindfulness or deep breathing. Surfing may make you feel closer to your spiritual side. These are all benefits of exercise in recovery.
If you’re angry, anxious, or depressed, please try a walk. Just 15 minutes a day can make a difference in your health and your mood. Give yourself a chance to use this powerful recovery tool.
We can help. By the Sea Recovery homes are supervised, structured environment that help men who are recovering from addiction transition to the next phase of their recovery journey. Please give us a call at 760-216-2077 to learn more about our housing.
