Everyone has fears, but for many in recovery, these fears can hold back progress and cause a lot of worries. When you were using, you probably were able to suppress some of your anxiety. As a person in recovery, however, fears will crop up now and then. Some types of fear are healthy and can be motivated to make a change. For example, if you’re afraid your temper will make you lose a relationship, you might decide to go to anger management classes and learn new coping skills.

Other fears can make you stagnant, however. Some people fear change, for example. They’ll do anything to keep from changing, even when changing would benefit them.

Anyone can change, however, and anyone can learn how to cope with their fears.

Many of these fears are ones that are experienced regularly – and you’ll want to learn how to cope with them. Luckily, as time goes on, you’ll learn to be less frozen by fear and begin to walk through your concerns.

 

What are some of the most common fears in recovery?

 

1. Getting sober: A lot of people fear the “unknown” when it comes to sobriety. Will you be able to cope? Make friends? Will you be bored in recovery? Change is scary, and that’s true for almost everyone. Don’t let these fears get in the way of seeking help. These questions will be answered in time, once you get sober. You’ll probably find that the answers are pleasing.
2. Fear of failure (or success): A lot of people fear failure because they are worried about what people think. At the same time, others fear success because they’re not sure what it will bring or if it will be satisfying to them. Addiction is a disease. There is no failure or success for the person suffering from it. If you can’t get clean, it’s not that you failed. It’s that you’re sick and the treatment hasn’t “taken” yet. Keep getting help for your illness, just like you would for any other serious disease.
3. The future: A lot of people fear what tomorrow will bring. Will you be able to live a life free of drugs? Find a job? Live happily? The future can seem like a vague and frighteningly blank canvas. Take life a day at a time while you’re getting sober. Making goals can help with this fear, but your primary goal is to get and stay clean.
4. Fear of feeling: Emotions can be scary, and when you’ve been using for a while, you may be used to the sense of “numbness.” Getting clean and learning to cope with emotions -not only fear- can be difficult. Being afraid of how you’ll feel is natural. You can’t control your feelings, but you can control how you react to them. When you’re feeling something that scares you, pick up the phone or go to a meeting. Other people can share their experience with coping.
5. Fear of rejection: What if you change so much that people don’t accept you anymore? Fear of rejection is something everyone has faced. You’re not getting clean and sober for anyone but yourself. People in 12-step meetings are there to help you grow and will lend their support if you need it. All are welcome there! If you face other rejection, your time in treatment will help you learn how to cope with it.

 

These are just a few of the fears many people face in early recovery. You may have others that crop up along the way. Fear is a universal emotion that you will learn to cope with after you have walked through it a few times. Don’t hesitate to share your worries with others – they, too, have had to face many of them. Although it’s not a “fun” emotion, it is a normal one. If you let it control you, there’s a good chance you’ll miss out on a lot of good things in life.

 

How Sober Living Can Help

In recovery, it’s often said to take things “one day at a time.” This is an excellent mantra to live by, especially when you feel overwhelmed by various emotions. Things will get better, and this too shall pass. A supportive environment can help make things more comfortable when you've started your journey.

Living in a community of supportive peers can help make your recovery journey easier. By the Sea Recovery in San Diego sets the tone for the top recovery houses, offering help with aftercare and day-to-day living in a group setting. Please give us a call at 760-216-2077 to learn more about your options. All calls are 100% confidential, and we are happy to answer your questions.

Addiction, also known as a substance use disorder, is a disease that can be insidious and powerful. For many people, relapse is a part of their recovery journey. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

 

The symptoms of relapse are not usually so apparent to people who suffer from it, and it takes a lot of work for a previously addicted person to get and stay clean. Living with everyday stress is a fact of life. People in recovery must find new coping skills and behaviors to help them avoid using drugs and alcohol again. But sometimes, old behavior patterns start to appear in life slowly but surely.

 

Relapse Warning Signs

 

When a person starts to enter the relapse process, there’s enough time for recognition that they need to change their behavior. Here are some of the warning signs that somebody is heading towards a relapse:

 

• They stop following their recovery program. That means they don’t do the things they’ve been doing to help them stay clean. For example, no longer calling a sponsor or going to 12-step meetings.
• They’re complacent and not motivated to do things that help their recovery.
• They’re negative about almost everything and unwilling to try to recover their positivity.
• Not working on themselves. A person doesn’t recover by getting clean alone – there’s work to be done.
• Giving into relapse triggers, such as hanging out with using friends, visiting places dangerous to recovery, or other unhealthy behaviors.
• Feeling like their emotions are out of control. Everyone in recovery copes with various feelings, but if you’re not working your program, emotions can overwhelm and cause a desire to use.
• Holding resentments. Anger is natural, but bitterness can consume you until you’re confused and full of rage. Don’t let it take over your life. Talk to somebody about your feelings.
• Keeping secrets. Secrets can cause guilt, pain, and shame when you’re in recovery. If you’ve done something you think should remain a secret, be transparent – tell your support network.

 

These are just a few things that can lead to relapse. The most significant message is that if you’re feeling bad, engaging in behavior that makes you feel bad, or otherwise feel “off,” hightail it to a meeting or call your sponsor. Nobody is perfect, but that’s not a reason to use.

Recovery is a journey, not a destination, and that’s good news. So do your best to stay the course and make sure you use the support that’s available to you.

 

Support Prevents Relapse

 

If you relapse, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Relapse is a part of many peoples’ stories – but it doesn’t have to be.

Find a stable support system and live with people who understand and support your recovery.

Learn more about sober housing options through our directory or call us at 760-216-2077. We’re happy to answer any questions.

In recovery, you quickly learn that stress is still a part of your everyday life. Whether you’re in groups all day, working part or full-time, or returning to school, there can be little things that set you off or frustrate you. Recovery doesn’t make anyone immune to stress. In fact, you might discover you’re more sensitive to it at first. It’s normal to feel stressed or overwhelmed when you’re re-entering the world. What is important is that you learn that there are things you can do to lessen the effect of stress.

Here are five great ways to tackle daily stress:

1. Take a break. In fact, it’s healthiest if you take 5 or 10-minute breaks throughout the day if you can. If you can take breaks at your workplace, take a short walk around the building when you can. College classes with intermissions are a chance to sit on a bench and practice deep breathing. If you’re at home and you’re stressed while paying the bills, take a breather. Water the plants outdoors or spend a few minutes sitting and soaking up the sun. Everyone needs a break now and then. Give yourself that precious time to recuperate.
2. You don’t have to be a gym rat to benefit from exercise in many ways. Use exercise as a de-stressing tool. It's been proven to keep blood pressure low and help prevent obesity and heart disease. People who exercise often get better sleep. It’s also an excellent way to release “feel good” chemicals in the brain called endorphins. These chemicals can prevent anxiety and help you better regulate your moods. Listen to uplifting music while you’re moving.
3. Do some household chores. Believe it or not, getting things done and making our homes more liveable is a way to de-stress that is often overlooked. For one thing, clutter and dirt in an environment can easily cause stress and depression; looking at things that need to get done is never fun! Instead of staring at a mess, choose to get it done. You’ll be happy you took the initiative, and you’ll also have worked up a sweat.
4. Take a long, hot shower. A long, hot shower at the end of a day is a great way to relax. Imagine all of the weight of the stress is with you in that shower, and as you clean yourself, the stress goes down the drain with the dirt. Breathe deeply and take your time.
5. Hang out with your support network. Sometimes the best way to get away from our stress is to share it. Go to a 12 step meeting, call your sponsor, or meet up with sober friends at a coffee shop. A burden shared is a burden lessened. You’ll get through this stressful period one day at a time.

 

Stress is a regular part of life, but the more you cope with it, the less it will get to you. Learning new coping skills and applying them in the "real world" is an essential aspect of recovery. Take care of yourself, and reach out when you need to.

Are you looking for more information on living in a safe, supportive, sober environment? We can help you find out more about your options. Just get in touch at 760-216-2077, and we'll be happy to discuss living choices with you.

 

Accepting responsibility is an integral part of self-esteem self-respect and character building, both in and out of recovery. When you were using, you probably found excuses for bad behavior. This behavior was normal in active addiction. Denial can be powerful for people who have a substance abuse disorder. A lot of behavior is rationalized when it’s hard to deal with the guilt you have while you’re using. When you get clean, however, you are starting a new lifestyle and transforming your identity. Being an honest with yourself is one of the first barriers to cross. Which means that you have to become responsible for your own actions.

Being responsible for your life is an essential aspect of recovery. When you were using and refused to take responsibility for your actions, you were giving your power away to your addiction. Today, not only have you stopped using, but you have also started living again. You are making responsible choices to help yourself grow and change. And you are accountable for your own decisions, both to others and to yourself.

Why Responsibility Matters

An important part of adult life is taking responsibility for your actions and reactions. This means making amends, apologizing when you’re wrong, paying your bills on time and showing up when you say you will show up. When you decide to be irresponsible, you’re not going to feel great about yourself, and you’re in danger of backsliding into other patterns that feed addictive behavior.

You always have some form of responsibility for the things going on in your life. This is a powerful concept. Where once you were under the spell of your addiction, you’re now free! You’re free to build a life full of love, honesty, and self-examination. You’re free to improve your life and work toward your goals.

There are, of course, some things in life that are completely out of your control. You can’t prevent accidents or health problems, or the way that other people react to you. You can’t change the past, cure yourself of diseases or stop somebody you love from doing something destructive.

You can, however, acknowledge the part that you play. You’re responsible for your actions and your reactions. If you feel “out of control” or tempted to do something that jeopardizes your recovery, you have a responsibility to take care of yourself. This means going to a meeting, making a phone call to your sponsor, or otherwise reaching out to your support network. You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to.

Before, when you were in active addiction, you were powerless. In recovery, you have the power to make positive choices in your life.

Being Responsible Takes Acceptance

Acceptance is part of the path to a more responsible way of life. Sure, it is hard to accept everything that is life throws your way, but when you do, you’ll find hope and serenity await. Attitude is a big part of acceptance – you can only do what you can do. Accepting that you don’t have control of everyone and everything can help you keep a positive attitude about life. You’re not alone in your worries, fears, and emotions.

Acceptance isn’t just about letting go – it’s also about letting other people help you when you need it. Accept that the world is bigger than you, and you don’t have all the answers. You can be responsible for your life by taking care of yourself and asking for help when you need it. Try to adopt an attitude of acceptance – life happens! You can’t control everything. But you can find ways to cope and take responsibility for the things you can do. For example, maybe you lost your job and fell behind on your bills. It happens. But perhaps you can still make a payment plan so that you don’t have to declare bankruptcy or lose your possessions. With an attitude of acceptance, you can focus on what you can do.

 

For some people, responsibility means easing back to the "real world" after treatment so they can stay in a safe environment. A sober home is a great way to transition back into life while still focusing on your recovery. Want to know more about your options? Give us a call at 760-216-2077 to learn about our sober home options for men.

Getting clean is a great accomplishment, and there’s a lot to celebrate. Finding a new way of life can be a huge relief for those who have been in the throes of addiction for a while. Staying clean, however, can be hard work. Many people in recovery talk about how they feel about “catching up” with the rest of the world – there’s so much to do! Whether it’s establishing new relationships or starting a new job, there is a lot of work involved. Many recovering addicts throw themselves into this new way of life with great enthusiasm – but it’s easy to get burned out. That’s why it’s so important for everyone to take the time to practice self-care.

 

Why Self-Care?

A few minutes each day nurturing yourself is an integral part of embracing your new way of life, and it can help you prevent burnout. Self-care is sometimes a foreign concept to people in recovery. After all, you may have spent a lot of time being “selfish” or only caring about what you wanted (such as drugs). It’s important to realize that self-care has nothing to do with being selfish. Instead, it’s a way to take care of your own needs, if only for a few minutes. Self-care can help you ease the stress of life in recovery, allowing you to continue your hard work.

 

Self-Care Methods You Can Try Anytime:

• Mindfulness: Mindfulness helps you live in the present moment and is a form of mediation that enables you to relax. Try sitting outdoors in the open air, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Pay attention to how your body feels and the sounds around you. Feel the warmth of the sun or the comfort of a warm breeze. There are many other variations of this exercise; try a few meditations for mindfulness on your own.
• Journaling: Many people find that journaling helps sift through their emotions and find solutions to problems. Not a writer? Try doodling your thoughts and feelings about the day, or even make a collage of your hopes and dreams by going through old magazines.
• Listen to music: Music is often called the gateway to the soul. What inspires or uplifts you? Choose music that puts you in a relaxed or calm state of mind, or energizes you.
• Exercise: A lot of people try to overdo it when it comes to exercise, which in turn can be stressful, mainly because it is tiring when you’re not used to it. Try going for a walk or just dancing to music in your room. (And make sure you dance like no one is watching!)

 

These are just a few things you can do to help yourself de-stress during an emotionally taxing day or help yourself remain centered. Many other things may help you care for yourself – as long as they don’t hurt you or anyone else, they can be beneficial.

Self-care methods will change as you move along in your recovery and discover new hobbies. The most important aspect of self-care is that it helps you feel better.

Don’t be too hard on yourself in early recovery! You can’t change everything overnight, and no one should expect you to. You’re on a path that will ultimately help you live a sober, serene life. Don’t let anyone steal that joy.

Are you looking for a safe, comfortable, supportive sober living home? Please give us a call at 760-216-2077. We are happy to answer any questions you have. Thanks!

Feelings – we all have them, and we all struggle with them no matter what stage of life we’re experiencing. In early recovery, however, emotions can be overwhelming and frightening. They may seem to come out of nowhere, and you may wonder if you’ll ever feel normal again.

Are These Feelings Normal?

In short, yes! It’s very normal to struggle with your emotions as you get clean and begin a new path to recovery. Many people recovering from addiction experience a broad range of emotions, from intense sadness and anger to even euphoria. Most of these feelings are fleeting, but that doesn’t stop you from reacting to the intensity. After all, what did you previously do when you had an emotion you viewed as negative? You used your drug of choice, most likely.

In fact, many people in recovery will tell you that they didn’t just use when they were sad or angry. They used when they were bored, scared, happy and just about every other emotion on the spectrum. Using drugs or alcohol suppressed these emotions. So it’s natural that these feelings bubble to the surface when you’re first getting clean.

When Feelings Make You Want to Use

The critical thing to remember is that this too shall pass. Emotions are often a trigger that makes people want to get high, but getting high will throw you back into a cycle that can last much longer than the feeling itself. You will end up feeling worse, and you may not be fortunate enough to make it back into recovery for a long time. Remember the reasons you wanted to get clean in the first place. Recovery is worth it.

You don’t have to use drugs to make these feelings go away. Instead, you have the opportunity in recovery to acknowledge these feelings, examine where they come from, and even take actions (like meditation, reading or other types of self-care) that can help those feelings pass more quickly. Most importantly, you don’t have to feel alone with them when they come to the surface. You can share these feelings with your support network, and they can help you learn to cope in more positive ways.

How Long Will This Last?

Emotional up and downs are a regular part of getting clean and sometimes living life itself. These intense emotions may be a roller coaster for the first month or so of being clean. However, some people may have severe mood swings that last longer than this. If this is the case for you or your loved one, it’s essential to get screened for any underlying mental illnesses.

A competent treatment center can help you navigate the storms of early recovery and can refer you to a therapist or psychiatric professional for assessment if needed.

Getting clean isn’t always easy, but there are many rewards.

 

Are you looking for a safe and supportive sober living option? Please call us at 760-216-2077 to learn more about your options. We’re here to help you make the best possible decision for yourself or your loved one.

The term “willpower” has often been used to describe how people make significant changes to their behavior. People often believe that willpower is an inner strength that makes it possible to do things such as exercise daily, change your diet, or change other unwanted behavior. So where, exactly, does willpower fit in when it comes to recovery? Is there such as thing as willpower?

If you love somebody with addiction, you may wonder why they can’t just “will themselves” to change. We’ll explore this mentality and why willpower is a myth, not supported by modern science at all.

 

Myth: Willpower Creates Changes

 

Willpower isn’t a personality trait, and it’s simply untrue that some people are born with it while others are not. Addiction is a disease that affects brain chemistry, and it is impossible for people with a substance use disorder to simply “will themselves” to stop using. Just as other life changes, there are many factors involved in quitting using and starting new, healthier behavioral patterns.

An athlete may describe their workout routine as a result of willpower when reaching their fitness goals requires a combination of traits – such as consistency, an ability to visualize their goals, and a solid plan for success.

Willpower is an archaic word used to describe behavior changes, but psychiatry and science don’t back the word up as one single behavior or thought process. Every behavioral change requires work that’s not simple a matter of “willing” yourself to “do better.”

In the case of the athlete, yes, it requires a commitment to get up every morning and go for a run. Commitments have been shown to work when a person dedicates themselves to a new action every day for up to 60 days. Willpower isn’t what drives the athlete, either; their thoughts and behaviors are the things that promote their life changes. Thinking about how they will win a race and visualizing it is standard practice for many athletes, while they also practice their runs and make sure they fuel their bodies with the proper nutrition, so they are in top shape when the race comes.

 

Fact: Changing Behavior is a Process

Recovery, and the act of quitting using itself relies on both physical changes (no longer using the drug), mental changes (replacing negative thought patterns) and behavioral changes (not picking up a drug when the person feels like using.)

These changes take place over time. Not using substances is always the first step to recovery, and this is why it’s so important to seek out treatment and a strong support network. The first weeks and months of recovery are a fragile time for the addicted; emotions feel raw, and there are many triggers in life that may cause a desire to use.

Detoxing from a substance and getting help are the primary steps toward recovery, but the process and behavior changes must be reinforced by a recovery plan. It is essential for a person quitting drugs and alcohol to seek treatment in a safe, therapeutic environment. While it would be nice to think that willpower can help with this, addiction research shows that treatment is the best way for a person to change their lives.

Getting Help

Are you interested in learning more about your sober living options? We can help you find a safe place to live with your recovering peers. You’re worthit. Learn more about sober living at 760-216-2077.

 

Everyone's first thought. Must be overwhelming. Impossible. Luck. Miracle. Well, there seems to be a pattern with those that 'got it'.

Lots of meetings. Sponsorship. Stepwork. Personal growth. Education. We've seen it all. From big book thumpers to higher education, there seems to be an underlying factor: being connected and being thirsty for growing as an individual.

Paradoxically the inner growth is balanced by the connections for it is easy to get lost wanting to be 'spiritual'. The sense of bond in early recovery is spiritual in itself given the distance from others during addiction. The vulnerability of sharing and being open with others in sobriety psychologically develops trust and belonging, a highly elating feeling and chemically supportive to the healing.

By the Sea recovery is San Diego's premiere sober living home. Call us for help & answers on how to live in a great sober house.