760-216-2077
If you’re like many people in recovery, you carry a lot of guilt with you. Much of the apologizing you’ll do in recovery will be after you’ve completed the first four steps. These steps are not things you should rush and you and your sponsor should decide when you’re ready to make amends to others. However, in your day-to-day life, you can begin to take responsibility and learn to apologize when you’re wrong. After all, you’re only human, and everyone makes mistakes. Now that you’re sober you can make these mistakes and learn from them. So what is the best way to apologize when you have done something wrong?
Many people with addiction issues have caused a lot of hurt when they were drinking or using drugs, whether they meant to or not. Addiction can wreak havoc on your relationships and your personal life. Now that you’re sober you may find yourself making mistakes that are similar to the patterns you had when you were using. It’s hard to change your behavior and it doesn’t happen overnight. And that’s okay! However, when you’ve done something that hurts another person’s feelings, today is a chance to apologize right away. Recovery is about being accountable for your actions.
Apologizing for something helps you take responsibility for your actions. It also signals to other people that you are willing to change and you care about their feelings. This is why you should apologize even if you didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
Apologizing to somebody you’ve hurt isn’t about your feelings, it’s about theirs. Yes, you can feel good when you take responsibility for your own actions. But you can apologize even when it doesn’t feel good to do so, because it’s the right thing to do. For example, you may snap at your mother because you feel like she is treating you like a child. Snapping at her hurts her feelings- after all, she stuck with you no matter what and tried to help you.
You may still feel infantalized when your mother treats you in certain ways. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t apologize for hurting her feelings.
So,how can you apologize when you’ve done something wrong? Here are some suggestions to help you make an apology.
People make mistakes both in and out of recovery. When you’re in recovery, it’s your job to own your mistakes and grow from them. There’s nothing to be ashamed of! Every human alive makes mistakes and has character defects. As you grow in your recovery program, you’ll learn to act less impulsively, and make fewer mistakes.
If you’re not sure what to do when you’ve hurt somebody’s feelings, speak to your sponsor. You’re never alone and there are many people who have gone through similar situations in recovery. They can point you in the right direction and help you make amends.
In sober housing, you can be among your peers and learn to live life on its own terms. You’ll also develop meaningful friendships, learn to take responsibility, and learn to have fun in sobriety. Give us a call to learn if our programs are right for you. Reach out at 760-216-2077.
If you've been in recovery for months or even a few years, you may come to the point that you think you've got this recovery thing down, and there are no dangers left to avoid in terms of recovery. You've begun to work on repairing your relationships. Maybe you've got a great new job or mended ties with family and friends. You may even start to feel a bit of that serenity that people talk about in 12-step meetings. All of this can be a good thing, but it doesn't mean you're cured of your addiction.
Addiction is a disease. While you're taking care of life on life's terms, everything will change in an instant if you choose to pick up a drink or drug.
With more power over the decisions in your life comes more responsibility. There will come a time soon that your recovery is tested. Long-term recovery is an exciting accomplishment, but no one is immune to dangerous thinking or behavior. Backsliding can easily lead to a full-scale relapse if you're not paying attention to your sobriety program. Here are three dangers to watch out for:
Life is about choices. Mistakes happen when we make the wrong ones, but it's not the end of the world. If you were perfect, you certainly wouldn't be in recovery in the first place. It can be humbling to admit you're struggling because of your own behavior, but sharing with others will help lessen the burden.
If you're feeling guilty, scared, or having trouble because of your behavior, the first thing to do is "own it." Tell your sponsor, share at a meeting, and listen to the feedback of others. When you're feeling overwhelmed, it's time to hold on to your recovery as hard as possible. "Keep coming back", even when you feel bad. Recovery can bring you progress, but there's no perfection.
Asking for help when you've fallen into a trap in recovery will help you save yourself. There's nothing you can face in recovery that somebody else hasn't lived through. So if you find yourself engaging in destructive behavior, it's okay to feel bad about it. It's okay to say you don't know the way out. Just remember that you're worth saving, and this too shall pass. You don't have to face anything alone.
Are you looking for sober living in the San Diego, California, area? We have a place for you to call home! Living with others in recovery offers fellowship and a way to be accountable to others. Our programs are an excellent launchpad for people new to recovery who need time to transition to daily life. We offer options for housing and aftercare. Call to hear more about how we can help you by calling 760-216-2077.
Many of us are stuck indoors or minimizing our time outside because of the COVID-19 virus. Attending virtual 12-step meetings, checking in with a therapist, and working on your recovery goals can be a massive help to your attitude. Many people are suffering from anxiety, depressive symptoms, or frustration from the isolation. Instead of sinking into feelings of despondence, it’s time to use your tools to get through these days. Giving your endorphins a boost can help you remain calm and positive. These are the feel-good chemicals your body can create by itself.
Being stuck indoors, whether it’s for 12 hours or 24 hours a day, is no fun. Everyone is missing being out with friends and just living a “normal” life. But you, and everyone else, are, for the most part, powerless over what’s happening right now.
What you can control are your own actions. Choosing to take care of your body and mental health is essential. You can do this in several ways. Endorphins even help to bolster your immune system.
Try these ideas:
For many people in recovery, sober living is an important starting step to entering the world after completing a treatment program. Living among peers with similar goals helps you stay focused and you’ll also be part of an intimate, recovery-centered community. Learn more about your options by calling us at 760-216-2077.
Job loss is a big deal, even for those not in recovery. Life happens, however, and sometimes the loss of a job is out of your control. Whether it’s the economy or simply not being the right fit, losing your job can hurt your self-esteem. It’s one of the most stressful things a person can go through, but you must believe you can make it through to the other side and grow from the experience.
If you lost a job during your addiction, it might be hard to separate the feelings you have about your current situation from emotions about your past. Today, however, is a new day. You’re not the same person in sobriety that you were when you were using. As a sober person, you have a lot of great tools to help you cope with your current situation. Now is the time to use those tools.
It’s normal to feel sad or grieve job loss. After all, you probably made a few friends at your workplace. Maybe you really liked the work and the people you worked with there. A good job can also add self-confidence and a sense of worth to your life. When you lose a job, these feelings may suffer.
Acknowledge these feelings, and remember that this too shall pass. You may grieve for the job and the things it represented. Or maybe you are upset about the loss of financial security and the ability to provide for yourself or your family. Being sad is okay – but don’t wallow. Take some time to journal, beat up a pillow, or go for a run every day. These small acts of self-care can help you cope with your feelings.
Job loss can put a person through a lot of emotions. You may even have a desire to drink or use drugs. The great thing about being in recovery is that you don’t have to act on these feelings. Instead, allow yourself to have feelings. Share them with your sponsor and your support network. And don’t stop sharing them whenever you feel down – you’re not alone, and you’re certainly not the first person in recovery to lose a job.
You probably will want to try to find a new job immediately. Providing for yourself or your family is a real-world need. Make sure you get your resume together as well as a list of references. (Ask for help if you need it!)
Before you do anything else, find out about what unemployment benefits are available to you so that you can have some income right away. As a person in recovery, you’re going to need to look for solutions, even if it is humbling. Your state probably offers unemployment benefits, and depending on your needs, you may want to apply for EBT/food stamps as well. Taking care of these needs is essential so that you can focus on job seeking and your recovery.
Your state unemployment office will probably have a job database that you can look through every few days. Commit to apply for a certain number of jobs every week. Ask people in recovery for any work leads as well. There’s nothing shameful about needing a new job and getting help with your search.
Losing a job can be humbling, but it’s a part of life for most people. Doing the work and taking care of yourself can help you with the search for a new job. Just remember – without your sobriety, you can’t improve your life.
You CAN get through this by leaning on others and putting in the footwork. Don’t pick up a drink or drug, no matter what! If you want to use or drink, get yourself to a meeting and raise your hand. You deserve to stay sober and find a great new workplace.
A sober living home is a great jumping-off point for many people coming home from treatment. In a safe, friendly environment, you can learn to live life on its own terms, without the use of alcohol or drugs. Get help finding a place to live! You can call us at 760-216-2077. We can answer any questions you have.
Accepting powerlessness isn’t limited to being powerless over your addiction to alcohol and drugs. In recovery, you’ll learn that you are also powerless over other people, places, and things. Right now, in the age of the coronavirus, this is more important to learn than ever.
You can’t always predict what is going to happen in life. Nobody seemed to suspect that something like the COVID-19 pandemic would happen.
If you’re having trouble accepting you're powerless, you’re not alone. There is a lot of pain in the world because of the virus. Many people right now are coping with job loss. Some people are sick or know somebody who has been ill. People have been laid off in massive amounts, too. Job loss can cause money problems, anxiety, and even affect a person’s self-worth. You may feel worried, angry, or afraid of what’s happening in the world.
Many people who have lived with addiction have trouble admitting they’re afraid. When you were using, you probably used your drug of choice to quell your feelings of anxiety or fear.
Suppressing your fears can cause problems. You may act out in anger or find yourself feeling depressed or isolated.
You have fears, but you are powerless over what is going to happen in the world around you tomorrow. Learning to recognize your emotions and name them is essential. You may be afraid of getting sick or losing somebody. If you don't talk about it, the anxiety can stop you in your tracks.
You’ll find that other people have had the same fears and have continued to stay sober despite it all. Ask other people what kind of concerns they have, too. Write down your fears in a journal every morning and try to leave them in the book once you've started the rest of your day.
You're powerless over what is happening in the world right now. The good news is that what the world is going through won't last forever. With the coronavirus, the medical community and the government seem to make strides on a day-to-day basis. That’s a good direction for everyone else to keep in mind, too. One day at a time can help you keep things in perspective. There's no way to plan for things you can't control.
The economic problems won’t last forever, either. Jobs may change, but they will come back. Nobody knows precisely what the future will bring, but for now, it seems that there are many public officials and private companies that are trying to shape that future.
Focus on what you're doing today for yourself and your recovery. Focus on helping the people you love or are checking in with.
Right now, your recovery is more important than ever. Staying sober will help you make better decisions. Choose to connect with people in recovery often. Text, call on the phone, or video chat. If you’re in a city or state with a stay-at-home order, don’t risk your health by breaking the rules. Go to online 12-step meetings, either hosted by your area or the Online AA Intergroup.
Take care of your physical health and mental health. If you take medications, make sure you get refills and take them as you're supposed to. Eat three meals and try to get up on time every day.
If you have lost your job, it may be a while before there are more jobs available. Many people in the service, hospitality, retail, and manufacturing industries have been furloughed. Do what you can to take care of yourself financially. If you are unemployed there are options for you. Check online for unemployment and stimulant packages that you can apply for online. Take some time to look at your options. Everyone needs help sometimes. If you have bills you need to pay, but cannot, call the companies and ask them about your options.
Make sure you have a plan of who to call and where to go if you get sick, and keep in touch with people you care about or are worried about. Take precautions such as wearing a face mask when you're going out. Stay home as much as possible.
If you’re overwhelmed, reach out for help. Call your sponsor or a friend in recovery. Times are tough, and connecting with other people in recovery can help you feel supported. You can help support them, too.
Sober living situations are an important part of the journey for many people in recovery. People who choose it often say it is an essential bridge between treatment and life out in the world alone. Sober housing has structure and support built into it, and there are fellowship and camaraderie. You’ll be a part of a true community that puts your recovery before everything else. Learn more about your options by calling us 760-216-2077.
What are you to get the most out of recovery right now? It may seem like a strange question given the era of COVID-19 and the many challenges everyone may face in the next few months. Indeed, it has been a difficult couple of weeks for many people across America. There are many challenges ahead for all of us. While it seems like a time of uncertainty, one thing for sure is that a lot of people have had to learn to adapt quickly to a new way of life. Changing is how we, as human beings, cope with difficulties and things we have no power over.
You’re not alone in thinking that it’s a problematic era we have all been thrust into. There's a lot of bad news going on. It’s okay to be angry, frightened, or sad. No one is immune to feeling vulnerable. This is what being human, and feeling your feelings, is all about.
Staying sober is a journey. There is no destination, and nobody can say for sure what is around the corner. Life is the same way. You can only accept your feelings, acknowledge them, and continue to trudge on with the help of others.
There are plenty of tools to help you strengthen your recovery and stay focused on today. In times like we’re going through today, it’s more important than ever to take life a day at a time.
Here are some ideas to help you stay centered at home:
Remember, this too shall pass. It can be challenging to sit still or walk through fear. Staying sober is still your most important priority. Learning to do so will help you grow and adapt in life. Don’t suffer in silence; call your sponsor or a friend when you’re feeling low.
Many people find that after treatment, they’re not ready to be out on their own. Sober housing is a great way to land on your feet and begin building a new future. Learn more about how it works and why it benefits you by contacting us at 760-216-2077.
In recovery, you’re learning to communicate better and have healthier relationships. Men sometimes have a problem learning new communicating skills. After all, the media portrays male protagonists (the good guys) as sarcastic, brash, and even violent. While this behavior may seem “normal”, in real life, it causes more problems than it could ever solve. Aggressive communication shuts other people down, and can even make them frightened of dealing with you in the future. Assertive communication, however, is healthy communication. So what is the difference between the two? How can you communicate healthily?
Aggressive behavior isn’t healthy and can sometimes even be a prelude to violence. It’s a “skill” that you no longer need in recovery. In recovery, you will learn to listen to others without judging. You also will learn to accept responsibility for your own actions. Here are some examples of aggressive behavior:
Aggressive behavior is often a defense mechanism that is meant to shut the other person down. You may use this behavior when you’re afraid of being hurt or feeling ashamed.
Either way, aggressive behaviors hurt and scares other people, and in recovery, it’s a skill you need to un-learn. If you don’t know how to respond to a conversation that you’re having or an argument, walk away. Walking away and returning to the conversation when you’re calm and collected can make a huge difference.
Assertive people state their opinions and are also respectful to others. Rather than shout, they ask questions. They state their views and don’t talk over people or interrupt their reactions. Here are a few examples of assertive behavior:
You can learn to become more assertive by paying attention to others who have been sober longer. Your sponsor can probably help you. Therapy is also a good way to practice your body language and learn more about active listening.
Communication is a skill that humans work on throughout their lives. It’s okay to make mistakes – like everyone, you’re a work in progress. Just continue working on your flaws and don’t feel weird about asking for help.
In a sober living home, you’ll learn to juggle your responsibilities, and your recovery. You’ll also learn how to nurture your relationships and have fun as a newly sober person. We want to help you grow into the person you’re meant to be! Give us a call at 760-216-2077 to learn more about your options.
Many people in recovery don’t share their stories often. In early recovery, you're encouraged more to listen than speak. For one thing, memory is foggy, and it can take a while to sort through the emotions. You may still have toxic thinking and behavior. However, once you’ve been clean and sober for several months, you have a story that’s worth sharing.
You don’t have to go to every 12-step meeting and share your story. That would get quite boring and look insincere. However, telling parts of your story when they relate to your topic is appropriate. After you’ve been sober a length of time, you may also be asked by a meeting chairperson to share your experience, strength, and hope.
A lot of people have a “pink cloud” experience after they have been sober a while. When a person talks about this feeling, they’re referring to a sort of elation people get once they're sober for a month or so. This state isn’t a negative thing, but it can be dangerous to your recovery. Pink clouds don't last. We all have struggles.
Share about the good things that are in your life, but acknowledge the struggle. Nothing is perfect, and life has ups and downs. Acknowledge them. Even if life is rosy today, the bottom you hit wasn't pretty. You are probably still cleaning up messes from when you were using drugs and alcohol, too.
Be honest if you still struggle from things. You’ll get feedback from others when you talk about your own flaws. Being honest will help you make some new friends in recovery who want what you have - or people have experience to share with you.
Sharing what you used or how much you used may seem to be an important part of your recovery story. It can be powerful for people to hear that even as a “hardcore” drug addict, you found sobriety.
But don’t attempt to glorify your past drug and alcohol use or minimize it. Telling “war stories” is completely contrary to the point of a 12-step meeting. Share about your feelings and struggles, and how you go through them. But please don’t make it a monologue detailing all of your years of drug use.
People in 12-step meetings usually know what drug use is about. While talking about it may help them relate, don’t forget your focus is on the recovery part of your story. Share about your recovery and how your life is still changing for the better. Let them know what steps you've taken to make the change, too.
Living with other people in recovery can make a huge difference when you need support. Sober living homes are a great way to transition from treatment or participate in aftercare. There is structure, but there’s also camaraderie and fun. Learn more about becoming a part of our sober home community by calling at 760-216-2077.
Are you defeating yourself with negative self-talk? Self-talk is the conversation you have within your head. Everyone has an “inner voice” that provides a narrative in daily life. For people in recovery, this voice can be detrimental. After all, when you arrive at drug and alcohol treatment or go through detox, you go through a lot of pain. Many people in recovery feel hopeless, sad, or fearful. The good news is that these feelings are just that, feelings. They’re not facts about what’s going on right now.
Changing your self-talk will help you live on a day-to-day basis rather than feeling bad and beating yourself up. (And will help prevent your mood from going from bad to worse.) Positive self-talk can also provide you with some great benefits.
Self-talk reveals a lot of information about how a person may feel about themselves. You may suffer from low self-esteem or guilt. Or maybe you’ve let yourself and others down in the past. Maybe you simply think you’re no good at anything because that’s what somebody told you in the past. Here are a few examples of negative self-talk:
Negative self-talk is how you reinforce negative beliefs about yourself. It’s not useful, and it’s really not an accurate reflection of who you are. After all, you are changing all the time in recovery.
Many people in recovery find new ways to change their self-talk as time goes on. The first step is that you need to recognize when it’s happening. Try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it every time you start thinking negative thoughts. Write down what you were thinking in a journal every time you’re feeling negative.
Once you know the negative thought you’re thinking, it’s time to think about examples of when you felt good about yourself. If you believe you are stupid, then how did you get an A in College Algebra? If nobody wants to hear what you have to say, then why were you invited to speak in the first place?
Trying writing down ideas that counter your negative thoughts onto note cards. Write them in affirmation-style.
If you need help writing affirmations, ask a therapist or your sponsor for more ideas. Affirmations can help you work on focusing on your strengths and believing in yourself. Try using them at least once a day, and pulling them out when you’re thinking negative thoughts.
Are you looking for sober living in the San Diego, California, area? Our programs are a great launchpad for people new to recovery who need time to transition to daily life. We offer options for housing and aftercare. Call to hear more about how we can help you by calling 760-216-2077.
Getting and staying sober are worthy goals for a person new to a life without the use of drugs and alcohol. Taking care of yourself on a daily basis is an essential part of the process of becoming a responsible, productive member of society. Once you’ve graduated from a treatment program, you’ll learn more responsibilities and begin to live life on its terms.
Many people choose to continue to aftercare or sober living when they are done with treatment. These programs help you be accountable to yourself as well as others. They also help you be in an environment with other people in recovery who have goals. Cooking your own food, doing your own laundry, and helping keep a common space clean is an excellent way to start better habits and becoming responsible for recovery.
Cooking is an important life skill to learn when you're in recovery.
Learning to cook in recovery is a life skill that many people decide to pursue when they’re in recovery. In sober living, especially, you’re expected to take care of yourself.
Pre-packaged food and takeout tend to be low in nutrients and high in salt, cholesterol, and preservative like monosodium glutamate. Pick up any frozen meal at the grocery store, and you’ll find that one serving has anything between 28% to 60% sodium for your whole day. High sodium can make you feel sluggish, cause blood pressure to increase and make you more susceptible to heart problems down the toad.
Before you got sober, you may have eaten out a lot or bought chips and microwave meals. These foods don’t nourish the body or the mind. They’re not appropriate for a family dinner table, either. Cooking real, whole food is a gift that you can give yourself and others in recovery. It will help you feel mentally sharper and physically healthier. It will bring people together to share and enjoy your creations.
Add fruits and vegetables on the side of your meals every day to round them out. If you live in a community or family setting, offer to make a side dish one night while others cook another part of the meal. You can take turns cooking the main course.
There are plenty of blogs online for beginning cooks. Youtube also has many types of recipes for beginners. You can also ask your housemates or relatives to cook with you so that you can learn to create their favorite recipes.
Some types of cooking, such as preparing salads, are easy and intuitive. Other types of cooking, such as baking a home-made pizza crust, will take a couple of tries before you get them right.
Taking care of yourself and being responsible is an essential part of recovery. It can also be fun once you’ve learned how to enjoy cooking! Pay attention to how your body feels on a day that you’re eating home-cooked foods rather than chips and hot dogs.
Food brings people together. In sober living and home life, you can learn to cook meals for more than yourself. Housemates and family will appreciate your effort, and you’ll have the added benefit of knowing what’s in your food. Eating healthy and enjoying simple pleasures will help you find purpose in your day-to-day sobriety.
Sober living is an adventure that helps you gain your footing as you transition from treatment to everyday life. Most people use their time in sober housing to find a job, stabilize their surroundings, and learn to enjoy life without alcohol or drugs.
Learn more about your sober housing options by calling us at 760-216-2077.
