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Everyone needs a friend, and as you spend more time in recovery, you’ll find you have a lot of people you call when you need support. Supporting others is an important and productive way to give in recovery.
The 12-step world can be a big second family as you start to find your way without the use of substances. The experience, stories, and support that other people share with you is essential to making your way in life. You'll end up becoming part of a support network for others, too.
As time goes on and you begin to feel more confident with your new life in recovery, you’ll want to be able to give back to others. Supporting others is a great way to do that. But how can you make sure you’re doing it in a healthy way.
You’ll want to be cautious as well as supportive if the person you’re trying to help as been sober less time than you.
Make sure you set healthy boundaries in your friendships. If you become friends with somebody who does risky things, be wary. A friend who is in relapse mode may end up trying to take somebody with them. Offer to be a shoulder or a ride to a meeting, but never put yourself in a situation where you’ll be around drugs or drug users.
Let people call you, but if you can’t take calls at work, don’t. Turn off your phone if you’re sleeping or at work. Let new friends know which hours are best, and it’s okay to send a text message to you.
If you become friends with the opposite sex, be aware that there may be complications. 12-step programs often warn newcomers from getting into any romantic (or potentially romantic) relationships within the first year of recovery. Relationships can be thorny and complicated. When you care for somebody romantic, you won’t be able to focus on your own recovery. Take some time to get to know yourself.
You may want to limit your outings to groups of people, or “guy’s night” outings rather than spend time alone with the opposite sex. Most of all, try to make friends with people who have been clean and sober longer than you. Don’t surround yourself with newcomers. You need other people with more experience for support, too.
If you’re looking for an excellent place to take your time transitioning to “regular life,” sober living may be the right choice for you. In sober housing, you’ll learn to stand on your own two feet while living among others working on their personal goals in recovery. You’ll have space, structure, and support to help you continue the journey. Call us at 760-216-2077 to learn more about your options.
The first few months of recovery can be a bumpy road if you’re not prepared. New feelings, friendships, and a new way of life take adjusting to. You may also still be experiencing withdrawal after years of using substances. If you don’t know it already, it’s important to be aware that this too shall pass. Mindfulness is a powerful tool that can help you hold on while you’re waiting for negative emotions to pass.
According to Wikipedia, “Mindfulness is the psychological process of bringing one’s attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment, which can be developed through the practice of meditation and other training.”
Sounds like a lot of work, huh? Actually, mindfulness is pretty much the opposite of work. When you take the time to slow down during a busy day, close your eyes and live in the moment, you’re doing a form of meditation that focuses on your breathing. For a moment, all you can do is be.
The simplest way to learn mindfulness is to practice being aware of the world outside yourself. Take a mindfulness walk, where you only focus on the squirrels, trees, and the sounds around you. Don’t use your phone or listen to music. Take a nice, slow walk and just be.
There are also breathing exercises you can use when you’re stressed. Practice mindfulness by closing your eyes and taking a deep breath through your nose. Exhale through your mouth and pay attention to the sound and feeling of your body as you do this. Keep your eyes closed and mentally count backward from ten for each breath. As you breathe, pay attention to the sounds around you and the sensations of your body.
You can also learn mindfulness on various websites dedicated to the topic and video websites such as Youtube or Vimeo. Do what works for you and leave the rest. Mindfulness is a great way to relax on a stressful day. It’s also a tool you can use when you feel triggered to use or do something self-destructive.
Not everyone finishes treatment feeling safe and prepared for the real world, and that’s okay. There are many options available for people who want to live with others in recovery for added stability and understanding. We have some fantastic sober housing options for you to check out. Please give us a call at 760-216-2077 to learn more about your options.
Staying positive in recovery can seem like a battle, at least when you first get clean and begin to sift through your emotions. Negative self-talk can be harmful to you and hinder your progress in sobriety. Learning to become more positive will help you achieve more of your goals, build your self-esteem, and stay on track in your new way of life.
What is Negative Self-Talk?
Let’s face it, we all have an internal voice that tells us things about ourselves, whether they are true or not. Many of these things are negative, and nowhere close to reality. For example, some people call themselves stupid over the tiniest thing, like dropping a plate or missing a bus. Mistakes can sometimes seem like astronomical problems when your internal voice is so negative. When we do this, it’s called “negative self-talk”. It can be a huge issue for those in recovery.
These negative self-beliefs can be dangerous and cause failure because you’re continually looking at the negative, and are also telling yourself that you are meant to fail.
What does negative talk sound like? Here are a few things people tell themselves that can get in the way of recovery:
Negative self-talk can prevent you from trying new things because you feel shame about yourself. And it’s not true, anyway! Many of these thoughts come from a place of hurt or shame in your childhood and have been reinforced throughout the years. But they’re self-defeating at best and cause self-hatred at worst. How can you be good at something if you give up quickly? How can you learn to handle things if you give up before you try?
Changing Your Self-Talk
Changing your self-talk won’t take place overnight, but you can get started today with more positive feelings. One way to help yourself feel better is to write out some affirmations for yourself and practice them every day. For example, when you find your self-talk keeps calling you stupid, start your day with a statement that changes the dialogue. “I am learning new things every day, and I am feeling smarter than ever before” is a great one to try. “I’m a good person, and I do good things for others” is a good answer to when you’re feeling “no good”.
Write down all of the negative talks you can think of on a piece of paper, and make new affirmations on index cards so that you can scroll through and read them to yourself every morning.
Talk to others such as your peers or therapist to learn other ways to banish negative self-talk. As you spend more time in recovery, you’ll find more examples of being the person you want to be, rather than the person your disease says you are. Hold on to your moments of accomplishment and give yourself credit.
Life After Treatment
Your journey in recovery doesn’t end once you have finished inpatient treatment. A sober living situation, aftercare plan and other activities can help you stay on course as you adjust to life after treatment. Want to learn more about your options? Please give us a call at 760-216-2077.
