When you're new to recovery, you're told to get a sponsor and check in with them. Usually, you're given simple suggestions by your sponsor, such as attending a meeting every day or learning more about the first step. Choosing a new sponsor is easy when you're brand new to recovery – after all, anyone who's been sober a year or so has a lot of sobriety experience to share.

However, as time goes on, for whatever reason, you may end up switching sponsors. This can happen for various reasons, but hopefully, you're doing it for a cause that will help you change and grow.

When to NOT Switch Sponsors

If you're new to recovery, you may be skeptical of your first sponsor. After all, who are they to tell you what to think about or do?

A sponsor is a person who has knowledge of the 12 steps and staying sober in general. Typically, they will have a year or more of consistent sobriety. They will have also gone through some struggles and stayed sober. They usually have worked at least four or five of the 12 steps. (It's best if they've done all 12 – they'll have a lot of experience!)

For a newly sober person, your sponsor's sober experiences are a testament to the importance of the 12 steps. Your sponsor knows how to stay sober, but you don't quite know how to do it yourself. Listening to them will help you learn the basics.

Switching sponsors because you don't like their suggestions won't help you stay sober. In sobriety, you'll have to do some things that you don't like. Most people will give you step work and other tasks that you might find unpleasant and help you grow. So stick it out. You're worth it! Don't sabotage yourself because you're afraid of the challenges they give you. You're resilient.

Switching Sponsors

There are many legitimate reasons you may want to switch sponsors.

You may feel like he or she is just a wrong fit, or maybe they are moving away from the area and won't be able to see you regularly. Sometimes you'll find that you don't feel that your sponsor has enough time for you.

You may even want to switch sponsors because you've found somebody you relate to. If you are gay, you'll feel more comfortable with another person who is LGBTQ. Or, you might simply relate to another person's story and feel like you want to learn to live like them! There are no requirements for choosing a sponsor, only suggestions! Sticking with your gender and somebody who has at least a year sober will help you avoid drama and focus on your recovery.

You don't have to tell your sponsor that you're looking for a new one right away. You may be worried that you'll hurt their feelings. Even if that were to happen, in recovery, you have to put your own needs first.

You can also always ask somebody to be your "temporary sponsor" until you find a permanent one. This way, you'll have a new friend that you can also check in with until you decide.

Getting Help for Addiction

In sober housing, you can be among your peers and learn to live life on its own terms. You’ll also develop meaningful friendships, learn to take responsibility, and learn to have fun in sobriety. Give us a call to learn if our programs are right for you. Reach out at 760-216-2077.

Choosing a sponsor is one of the most important things to do when you start on your recovery journey. While you’re in treatment, you’ll begin to connect with others in recovery. Selecting your sponsor can be challenging when you’re in a treatment environment. After all, you are usually limited by the AA and NA meetings you choose to attend.

The good news is that it’s not a big deal if you change sponsors. If you’ve outgrown your sponsor or have trouble getting ahold of them, it’s time to consider a new person.

Whether you’re choosing a sponsor for the first time or selecting a new one, here is some guidance for choosing a sponsor.

Tips for Choosing a Sponsor

1. Choose somebody who is the same gender or sexual orientation. Many people make the mistake of choosing somebody that they may have an attraction to. This can complicate the relationship and cloud judgment. It’s recommended that you don’t have a romantic relationship in your first year or so in recovery. Being able to relate without having a physical attraction or emotions cloud either person’s judgment is important.
2. Do you want what they have? Choosing a sponsor who works a recovery program that inspires you is crucial. They may not be living their dreams, but choose somebody who is actively working a program and toward their goals.
3. Do they have enough time for you? Make sure that they don’t have a lot of “sponsees” and that they are available to you if you need them.  Are they available via text and phone calls? Ask what times are best to check in.
4. Who is in their support network? A sponsor should have an active recovery program with supportive people in their network. When you become a sponsee, you join a family of other people in recovery. A healthy relationship helps you build a recovery program and support network.

Choosing a sponsor can be scary at first. Opening up to others in recovery helps you change your life and begin healing. In recovery rooms, you’re often told to “take what you need and leave the rest.” If you don’t feel supported by your sponsor, or you think that you need to switch, don’t worry. People in recovery change sponsors for many reasons. Your recovery is about you and your own needs.

Sober Living

Sober living homes can be an important step in transitioning back to the “real world” after treatment. Living in a recovery home helps you focus on yourself and your recovery in a supportive environment.

Learn more about your options by calling us at 760-216-2077.